My own spirit needs to find such refuge and mercy. My spiritual director once told me, “Jason, Jesus is not a war to be won.” He said this to me because I often slip into the thinking that I can take the ground of holiness—achieve greater love, more freedom, the abundant life of God in Jesus—through the power of my will.
I often slip into the thinking that I can take the ground of holiness—achieve greater love, more freedom, the abundant life of God in Jesus—through the power of my will.
When I became Catholic, I heard about the feats of the saints. I saw mature Catholics around me living a style of life. I defined a path of holiness for myself and set out to achieve it. Like a young professional maps out his or her career, I mapped out my path to holiness: Nail my daily prayer, increase my daily prayer, add devotions, attend daily Mass more, fast more, give more, etc. This is the path to holiness, I naively believed, and I “set my face like flint” (Luke 9:51) on this pathway.
But rather than paving a path to freedom, this way of thinking makes the means of grace into a new law. I submit to the yoke of slavery (Galatians 5:1) when I erect my own law of holiness to rigidly follow. This is the heresy of Pelagianism that Pope Francis spent his pontificate teaching against. We are not the initiators of our holiness. God is.
So, now, leaning into Pope Francis’s teachings, as well as the teachings of St. Therese of Lisieux, I am learning to listen and respond. I hear Jesus calling me daily to pray. I hear him calling me to daily Mass when it works in my schedule. Most importantly, I hear him calling me to love beyond my ability. In all of these, I experience my extraordinary need for his grace, his strength. I cannot do what he calls me to do without his grace.
We are not the initiators of our holiness. God is.
My failure itself is a grace of revelation to how weak and unable I am to achieve the thickness of divine love. I am poor. I am dust. But in this revelation of weakness, I reach out to God and “his power is perfected” (2 Corinthians 2:9). I find that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13).
Thank you, Pope Francis, for reminding me of God’s mercy, of God’s initiation. Like the father of the prodigal son, God continues to run to my weak soul to embrace me and robe me with his power to love and to walk in the peace of his household.
Pope Francis, rest in the peace of Jesus.
