A theme has been haunting me on and off for a few months now in my prayer. I find myself calling it the “mystery of self-forgetfulness.” For context: I’m a pretty selfish person. I’m always thinking about myself: my preferences, desires, my time, my health, etc. If I think of others, it’s usually with reference to what it has to do with me.
At one point, sitting in front of the tabernacle, I was struck with how Jesus is completely forgetful of himself. He’s just sitting there, waiting for me or someone – anyone – to visit him. He allows himself to be mistreated, mishandled, left alone in the dark – simply so that he can give himself to us whenever we’ll receive him. Without losing his identity or any aspect of it, he accommodates himself completely to you and me. He lives the mystery of self-forgetfulness all the time. In his earthly life, he was constantly pouring himself out for his disciples, the crowds, and even his enemies. Even now in heaven, he is completely forgetful of self. He is completely focused on his Father and on you and me and our needs and desires. The rest of the Trinity is the same way.
“Beloved, let us love one another, because love is of God; everyone who loves is begotten by God and knows God…because God is love” (1 John 4:7-8). Love is self-gift. It is giving oneself to the beloved, which includes giving one’s time away, and one’s thoughts and dreams and desires – this is what parents do for their children, what spouses do for each other. To a different degree, this is what people do for friends and for those in need. It is what the saints did even for strangers and enemies. They forget about themselves and give themselves generously to the other.
Paradoxically, the more we forget about ourselves and concern ourselves with God and with others, the more we are filled with his peace and joy and are sowers of that peace and joy. In forgetting about ourselves, we make room for God and are filled with him – he who is the mystery of self-forgetfulness. Our soul “expands” upward and outward. On the contrary, the more we think about ourselves, the more we forget God and others. We also become more anxious and frustrated – and sowers of anxiety and frustration – because everyone and everything is a potential obstacle to my preferences, desires, time, goals, etc. Our soul contracts and contorts, turning in on itself.
I think the Lord is revealing to me (in a way I need to hear it) that to truly love is to forget about myself and think only of God and others: their desires, their dreams, their happiness. And if I think about myself at all, it is only in reference to God and to others. To be “begotten by God” as St. John says above, is really to be immersed in and permeated by the mystery of self-forgetfulness.
Peter Andrastek is a Ministry Consultant at the Evangelical Catholic. The Evangelical Catholic’s mission is to equip Catholics to live out the Great Commission. Learn more.
